When a Fellow Student Has Died

When you learn that a fellow student has died, it impacts you, as students, in a number different ways.  Whether you are a close friend or someone that did not actually know the student who died, any sudden death can be difficult to fathom.  Coping with such an unexpected loss can be disorienting, frightening and overwhelming, at times.  

For many of you, reaching out to each other is going to be the best way for you to deal with this tragedy....Some of you may need to be alone, at first, while you sort out your feelings and reactions. Remember, coping and healing from hurt like this is often best done in community. We encourage you to rely on your friends and family, helping to build a community of support among each other.

Still, others may wish or need to have a space to talk to with someone not as personally involved. Because of all this, we simply want you to know that we have staff available if you need someone to talk to about how your peer’s death is impacting you.

Also, we wish to provide you with some basic facts about how grief often is experienced in the hopes that it will help you in this process and also help you be a support to others who may be struggling.

What might occur during a time of grief?

Our communities, families, and cultures often play a great part in how we learn to express grief.

Grief is often experienced as a host of many different emotions; sadness, anger, or happiness surrounding remembered times. In addition, there may be complicated feelings of guilt or remorse surrounding times of conflict. Sleep and appetite may also be disrupted during times of grief or mourning.

Many people may experience a numb feeling in the initial days and weeks of loss, with strong feelings emerging weeks or months following the loss. What is important to know and remember is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. While there are common elements in the grief process, we all experience grief differently. 

Self-Care Suggestions

If you find that any of the above reach a level that keeps you from engaging in your routines for more than a few days to a week, it's important to reach out and let the professionals who serve you here support you!   This includes our staff, faculty members, your advisor, RLCs, or other Campus Life staff you may have a connection with) so we can offer help regarding your personal, work, and academic priorities.  

• Remember that we all have different reactions, and give yourself permission to have your own way of dealing with this loss.
• Stay in touch with close friends and family. Let them know how you are doing in your day-to-day life. Let them know it is ok to talk about the loss with you.
• Be mindful of the fact that you may not be at 100% for a while. Be patient with yourself.
• You may not be able to perform at the level you are used to, but know that this is not permanent, and you will recapture this in time.
• Remember to rest and be mindful of the need to eat, even if your appetite is minimal.  Active distraction is a helpful coping technique only to a limited degree. 
• Find a way to express what you are feeling.  Some find it helpful to keep a journal of their thoughts and feelings. Some people find artwork helpful. If you find it difficult to talk to others about your experience, it may be helpful to turn to these avenues of expression.
• Consider the possible benefits of a spiritual practice. Some people find prayer helpful; others may find a time in the day to meditate or visit a local garden. Some people find it helpful to seek spiritual guidance through a member of the clergy or a spiritual advisor.

Remember, the Center for Counseling and Wellness (CCW) is also available and provides confidential support.  Our staff is available to meet with students (individually or in groups of friends, teammates, or classmates) to provide support and education around the grief process. Simply call our office at 770-784-8394 and let the receptionist know you would like to talk to someone about how the death of your peer is having an impact on you.